'Too much going on': Autistic adults overwhelmed by non-verbal social cues

Imagine having a conversation where every gesture and glance feels like a test. You're juggling eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice, all while trying to keep up with the words. You might miss something or someone might misread you.

In a new study published in PLOS One, autistic adults describe the intense mental effort required to navigate nonverbal communication (NVC). Researchers reviewed 362 firsthand accounts on the online forum WrongPlanet.net, where autistic adults openly discuss communication challenges. They focused on posts about nonverbal communication—such as eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions—and analyzed 26 discussion threads to better understand from autistic adults what it's like to communicate in daily life.

From interpreting facial expressions to regulating their own body language, many said it felt like decoding a complex, unwritten language in real time. One participant reported that speaking while also monitoring eye contact and gestures felt like "just too much going on," while another wrote about disliking nonverbal cues because they are "too open to misinterpretation" and wished "that people would just say what they have to say, and not leave so much unspoken."

Researchers found that it takes autistic adults more time and mental effort to process body language and other nonverbal signals. A smile or shift in tone doesn't always register right away or may have non-literal meaning, and the effort to "perform" expected body language can be overwhelming.

These challenges often lead to misunderstandings, not just from the autistic person's side but also from those around them. This mutual disconnect is known as the Double Empathy Problem, which can contribute to social anxiety and misunderstandings or even reduce quality of life for autistic adults. Many participants described being misread, unfairly judged, ignored, or treated as untrustworthy simply because their nonverbal cues didn't match expectations.

To cope, some autistic people try to mimic non-autistic behavior by studying gestures or copying characters from TV, while others prefer written communication where the pressure of body language disappears. Many find strength in authenticity, choosing to embrace their natural communication style rather than forcing themselves to "pass" as a neurotypical person.

The team behind the research included both autistic and non-autistic experts, such as Ph.D. researcher Holly Radford from the University of Portsmouth's School of Psychology, Sport, and Health Sciences. Ms. Radford's own experiences as an autistic person helped shape the study’s approach.

"Our study confirms what many autistic adults know intimately—that nonverbal communication can feel like decoding a complex, unwritten language in real time," she explained. "As both a researcher and an autistic person, I hope this work helps people understand the genuine effort involved in these daily interactions."

Co-authors include autistic researcher Dr. Steven Kapp, also from the University of Portsmouth, as well as Bronte Reidinger from Rowan University in the US, and Dr. Ashley de Marchena from Drexel University. They brought personal connections and a long-standing interest in autism to the collaboration.

Their partnership was formed through the Academic Autism Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education (AASPIRE), a network dedicated to inclusive autism research.

"NVC is a core, defining feature of autism, yet very few labs study it in adults," said Dr. de Marchena. "When I met Steven through AASPIRE, and learned that he might be interested in collaboration, I felt like I had won the lottery!"

Dr. Kapp added, "This research challenges the one-sided view that communication difficulties are solely an issue for autistic people. The Double Empathy Problem shows us that misunderstandings happen in both directions—non-autistic people also struggle to understand autistic communication styles."

"What we found in the forum discussions is that autistic adults are incredibly insightful about their own experiences and have developed creative strategies to navigate a world not designed with their needs in mind." Dr. Kapp said, advising everyone to create more inclusive communication environments rather than expecting only autistic people to constantly adapt.

This study offers clear advice for anyone who wants to communicate more effectively with autistic friends, family members, students, coworkers, and patients. It includes checking how someone prefers to communicate, allowing more time to process responses, avoiding assumptions based on body language, and being open to written or direct communication when it works best.

Ultimately, the team hopes their work will lead to better, more inclusive communication for all.

• Be patient: Give extra time for someone to respond or process what you're saying. Don't rush or interrupt as autistic people may need a moment to interpret nonverbal cues. Give people time to finish their thoughts even if they’re not sending signals that they are still thinking.
• Use clear language: Supplement body language with words. Ask questions to confirm understanding instead of assuming. For example, say “I'm happy” if your face is blank or ask "Did you understand what I meant?" to avoid confusion.
• Learn preferences: Some autistic individuals prefer written or very direct communication. Whenever possible, ask what works best (e.g., chat or text instead of face-to-face).
• Check assumptions: Don't make assumptions about an autistic person's thoughts or feelings based on their facial expressions or body language, and don’t assume that they can interpret your non-verbal cues without clarification.
• Encourage authenticity: Don't pressure someone to act more like a neurotypical person by forcing eye contact or constant smiling if it isn’t natural. In the study, contributors valued being genuine over performing inauthentic nonverbal cues.